I have laughed out loud to the point where tears rolled down my face while reading exactly three times.
1) David Sedaris: Holidays on Ice: Santaland Diaries
Sedaris is working as an elf at a major department store. He's had just about enough of the reindeer games. A woman asks him which is the line for the women's bathroom. He tells her it's the one with all the women in it. She hisses at him, "I'll have you fired." He responds by leaning in and whispering: "I'll have you killed."
Holidays on Ice: first of all, hellllooo great title! Great little book for getting anyone through the stress of the holidays.
2) Eats, Poops & Leaves by Adam Wasson
In the section on how to handle strangers getting too close to your baby in public, one of the suggestions is to hold out your hands and beg for any spare change.
This book should be handed out at the Baby Doc's along with the more traditional What to Expect When You're Expecting – to balance out all that heavy information overload.
3) Dirty Little Secrets from otherwise perfect moms by Trisha Ashworth and Amy Noble
One mom confesses they didn't get their two-year-old strapped into his car seat. As they turned a sharp corner he flew across the back seat and yelled "Fu*#ers!"
This needs no explanation right? I mean, that's totally going to be us if we don't start a quarter jar or something soon.