This top picture came across my Facebook Feed the other day and, as is often the way – it stunned me. How so much can change in so relatively little time.
At the time, I didn't know it but it was an Ebenezer stone. Of course, that's all easier to see in the rearview mirror.
This picture, that smile projects so much confidence and if you just look at that moment in time you see it seems I was just so lucky! After all, I was able to be home with my babies and then land a job in the newsroom where I got to intern years before that.
However, not pictured … is the courage it took to come out of the situation I was walking through and present a confident seeming self after feeling so beat down it would take many years (and counting) to right the wrongs.
I didn't talk about it then at all and still don't much today.
All I really need to say is this: nothing is as it first seems. You already know that, though.
But that doesn't stop us from getting Facebook Envy when we see a picture and make assumptions about what that person's life is like.
You know what else?
It also doesn't mean the picture is a lie.
Moments captured on camera are exactly that – moments, captured.
In that still frame the absolute truth was that I was so happy in that moment to hold my boys and know that despite how I felt on the inside, I was able to get a job in a field I love.
This moment is the moment capturing I knew things were changing. I knew the foundation below me was shaky and I knew things were not going as planned.
But, getting that job gave me a new plan. It gave me hope. It meant I had to make a hard choice and many more after it, but I was capable of making them and as I continued to pray this one specific prayer "God please make the way clear…" it became more and more so.
The steps I was asked to take where not according to (my) plan.
would be able to do something that would bring money into our home and Wells Fargo could take my number off speed dial.
This also meant I was two weeks from getting a paycheck and Wells Fargo could stop trying to take my house back.
And here we are, living in this house I love, still unable to keep the water tray from overflowing apparently, with some major and minor changes – but here we are.
Silly, stable and safe.
*A note about the top picture: this was a snapshot following the longest I'd ever been apart from the boys – not counting when I was in labor with Jake. It was seven hours! And I was about to go from that life to working full-time as a reporter. It was incredibly hard. And awesome. And awful. And amazing. Balancing work you're passionate about and being a mama is no easy thing, but it was an incredible experience to work with my newsroom friends and to make new ones along the way.
The bottom picture: Well, that's just us goofing off trying to recreate a moment :)